The experience of “love” is often said to be the answer. But what was the question? The experience of love is a soothing antidote to suffering. We experience impulses, anxiety, depression, anger. To soothe this discomfort we accept ourselves as we are. We can extend that feeling to others. To love someone else requires that we model by loving ourselves. Yet, the idea of protection, of protecting someone else from their experience of this same experience is the element being addressed in this essay. If our beloved experiences discomfort, various destructive impulses, anxiety, depression, or anger, to tell them you love them is to assure them you hold the answer to their experience.

Rather we should encourage people to love themselves so that they themselves become the source of their own salvation. Assuring them they have all the answers is not helpful either. They do not consciously know the answers. And to tell them they do have the answers is to contradict the facts that are available to them. As we explored in this series of statements, there is the ego, the conscious persona, and the higher self, or divine nature of each individual. Connecting or allowing for communication between the two is the key to avoiding an oppressive edge to the love we offer.

We may know what has worked for us and historical records and evidence based practices point towards best approaches to solving or making progress on various challenges in the human experience. Encouraging people to problem solve is only one element of the human experience. First and foremost, one must truly see the circumstances and situation they are in. To look at evidence based practices and case studies requires we see parallels but also requires we see how our situation differs from the examples given. In relationship there is a tendency to protect people from their experience. Often we want to “win over” people by showing them our knowledge, demonstrating our experience and conveying the lessons or wisdom we hold.

In all relationships from parents to lovers and everything in between, we navigate the tendency to “coo” to the other, to seduce them into our understanding and seeing of the environment. A parent may coo to their baby so they will respond and activate their communication with the parent. We raise their awareness to their feeding needs or caring needs by this communication. In this way we provide for what we know they need. Even in courtship we may coo at the mate to demonstrate we can meet their needs for affection. The courtship and maintenance of a relationship requires we tune into the needs of the beloved as much as we do with our own needs. Each providing a service to the other in an exchange of energy.

This is the model we can work with to understand the variations on this formula in our lives. What gives us insight into our experience? How does insight serve us? While we can “bless this mess” and accept we are experimenting with the reality around us. We want assurance that we can and will succeed. There are no guarantees. No one could have told the viral stars of the internet twenty years ago how to land a viral video. Why this video or that video lands with people is difficult to predict. So success can feel like a lottery. Only some people make the narrow goal of attaining authentic living in our society. Others spend their days pretending to be normal and going along with the herd until they die. What made their life worth living? Whatever it was we all chose to be here and we choose life. To choose otherwise is to endure a true conflict or splitting of our mind.

For that reason love is not oppression but liberation. The dedication of loyalty and fidelity is the crux of this experience. Otherwise it is a con job that we are offering when we say we “love” someone else or ourselves. If we do not offer ourselves full faithfulness to our prior choice to live and loyalty to our goals set at our conception, we will see life as an arduous and difficult process. But it can be easy, it can be empowering, and it can be full of joy. Trust is the key to joyful living. We do not require permission from an outside source to flex our love. It is a human right. It is not a threat to anyone’s independence. However, it is a dance that requires us to acknowledge however much progress we’ve made for ourselves we cannot tell or instruct or command others to replicate our own process. They have to find the way for themselves. And trusting we can only inspire people by addressing our own needs and finding sources to comfort and soothe our pains is the way.

Together we are strong. Together we can survive. The environment conditions us for survival. We are grateful for adverse conditions for they are the building blocks for the path. But it requires our transformative power of alchemy to be enacted. We can do it if we believe in the magic. These are not mere words, they form a spell that we need to perform in our lives and show our miracle powers so that we fulfill out duty assigned to us at birth to show them how it’s done.

If this inspired you, you are welcome to reach out for a consultation to unlock your creative power and manage the challenges presented in your ongoing process.